I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
