Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
