Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
