dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sext me about skeletons
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
