I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am available for nakedness
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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