youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
