I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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