dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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