your room smells of hookers.
And success
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
