does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
