i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
