Your dad touched me again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
