i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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