I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you had me at cake vodka
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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