Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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