so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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