Define "chronic" masturbator.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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