there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
