Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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