He asked to "fluff my boner.."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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