I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
