i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
