I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
