My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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