Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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