I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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