She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
