My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
