I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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