Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
