From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
