someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
