He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
