can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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