He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
