I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
