i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
