You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
