I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
