Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
