I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
