His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
