did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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