I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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