I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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