we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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