Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Vodka?
Forever.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
