Don't you send me to vm
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
