I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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