Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
