that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
