wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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