I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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