Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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