im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
