I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
